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If you have been wondering why I have not done any video blogs lately it is because my web cam has died. Yes, it had a funeral and everything. The thing was being held together with sellotape anyways.
I promise, as soon as I have a spare £100, to buy a new one and start that up again.
In the meantime you will have to put up with the written word 
Hope your all keeping well out there in blogging land.
I really don’t know what is a matter with me at the moment. I have a real longing to be living back in the 80′s.
I have been asking around about what decade has been the best for an individual. I would love feedback on this but it seems the childhood years of 8-16 hold the most cherished memories for everyone.
For my wife it was the 90′s-00′s. Her influences were different from mine. It’s amazing to see how well pop culture and childhood memories mix. Perhaps this is why the 80′s is my comfort zone.
Perhaps it’s a money thing. Let me explain.
I really can’t remember any stresses of life up until working age. Sure, the stresses of exams and growing up were very real but it was a short-lived stress. Since working age, earning an income, life has a way of dealing you issues that are long term. No wonder we all long to be kids again.
After watching “A Good Day To Die Hard” last night I thought I would do a blog about movies which suck. I mean the Die Hard franchise should have ended at Number 3. My question is.”Do actors know they are starring in a crap film while it’s in production”?
They must do.
This film is on par with one of the worst movies I have ever seen. At least I got through the crap that is “Blade Runner”. I turned off the latest Die Hard installment after an hour.
Speaking of Blade Runner. I thought I was the only one in the universe that thought this sucked royally. Then I did a google search on “Why does Blade Runner Suck”. Guess what. Loads of blogs about it.
I thought I would compile a list of movies which seem to have a following but I think suck, bigger then a gigantic Dyson vacuum cleaner caught in a tornado.
There that should be controversial enough to start a debate
Do you remember these things?
You put your money in. The chicken makes a noise and an egg is dispensed from the bottom. On opening the egg you either get a small toy or some candy.
This thing is the most dangerous thing I have (up to now) ever come face to face with. Let me explain.
I was 7 years old. Holidaying in Caister on Sea, Norfolk. I was not allowed in the adults bar as I was far too young so stayed with my brother in the newly furnished kids room.
It was lovely. TV on the wall, new carpets, sofa, pool table and a chicken machine in the corner.
Well, I was fascinated with this thing. Every time the machine clucked I ran over to see what was making it do it. Okay, prepare yourself if you don’t like horror.
On one particular cluck I thought I could get to the machine before it finished clucking. I ran as fast as I could but lost my footing. I hit the corner of the machine with my head. Full impact!!!
I immediately put my hand to my head and told everyone I was okay. It made an almighty bang so everyone had turned around and was looking at me. I repeatedly told my brother I was okay. I had a dull throbbing on my forehead but other than that I was fine.
On removing my hand though all hell broke loose. Blood sprayed everywhere. On the carpets, on the walls, down my coat. I was in a right state.
I really don’t remember much more. All I can tell you is that I woke up in a strangers arms and my brother had run into the bar to get my parents. I was rushed to the hospital and had, wait for it, 1 stitch. It’s amazing how much the head bleeds.
So if you’re wondering where that scar comes from on my forehead. Now you know
I don’t know if it’s because I am suffering with some mystery illness at the moment but I really gutted for the events that have happened over the last week.
I missed a good friends wedding, all the plans I had made a year ago ended in sadness and all the sights and experiences I had looked forward too for so long ended with heartache.
I cannot begin describe how gutted I am at missing my friend’s wedding and having a weekend away with the wife. Something I haven’t done for a good many years. I hoped the pictures and texts from my wife would have made up for it but alas it doesn’t. I so wish I could have been there. I was in tears at not being able to go. 
At least I have a piece of mind knowing that the event was spectacular, the scenery amazing and the happy couple looked to have really enjoyed their day.
I will certainly make sure I am never put in that situation again. Letting people down is something that will haunt me for a very long time
While I’ve been blogging about some shocking things that happened to me in my childhood let’s get down to the creme de la creme and tell you about an experience I had when I was living in Australia.
I must have been about 4 or 5. Yes, I still remember this little event like it was yesterday.
I went over the local park which was opposite my house with my brother and his friend. Not sure what we were doing over there but all I remember is that they decided to climb a tree.
Me, being only a small child, could not even reach a branch so decided to sit at the bottom of the tree and wait for them to come down.
The next bit is going to sound like a horror story to some of you.
I noticed a few ants crawling up my legs. I was wearing shorts and I promptly brushed them off. I can’t remember if they were biting but I do remember they were big and red. As I brushed them off I noticed some on my arms. I brushed them off too and then realised I had more on my legs. A lot more. In fact I was shortly about to be covered from head to toe. I had sat in a nest.
As I stood up I couldn’t see my clothing anymore through the wriggling red mist of ants. They were everywhere and they were going up my nose, in my ears…..everywhere!
I remember screaming and running home. They were entering my mouth. My mum stripped me off in the street and threw me in the shower. The last memory I had of this event was watching a river of dead ants washing their way down the plug hole.
It’s amazing how times of absolute horror stick with you. That is one of my only memories of Australia. Sleep well
Okay, here’s a funny story for you. Funny now but not funny at the time.
Way back in my second year of High School (ohhh I must have been about 12) I got Scarlet Fever. It was your run of the mill childhood illness and the good part of it was that I got to spend 2 weeks off school.
Sitting at home, living the good life, was excellent. I had the TV to myself, watched what I pleased and generally had a pleasant time.
Two week later I returned to school. No one had really missed me. That was until I got into my metalwork class. Before the class begins every teacher will take the register to see who is here and who is absent.
I’m sure I would have been missed and asked about my absence, so the teacher started to read the names from the register. Being in alphabetical order I was waiting for my name so I could shout “I’m back”.
My name was never read out though. Where I expected to be called I was just skipped. After he had finished reading the register I proceeded to ask the teacher why I was missed.
“Sir, you missed my name”
“Wayne, oh”, he said as he fumbled through the register.
“Erm, he looked up at me, I was told you were dead!”
“WHAT!”, I said.
Apparently my beloved classmates had informed my teacher that I had passed and he promptly crossed my name from the register. Not once did they question it, not once did they phone my folks wishing condolences, I didn’t even get any teachers going to my imaginary funeral. What the hell was that all about.
We all have stories from our youth but that one will stick with me for ages.
And for all my old classmates. You’re a bag of bastards
I know this blog is about me but I thought I would share a pic of what my son bought with his money he got from his birthday.
It’s a special bike because it would be the first NEW one he has ever owned.
Peeling the plastic off of it and knowing he is the first one to have ever ridden it has captivated him.
So much so, since opening it, he has long gone.
Hope he is enjoying it as much as I did when I was a kid. Looks like BMX bikes a making a comeback
Here a soppy post coming up. Apologies on that.
Well the wife comes home today. As I write this she is 100 miles away from me and counting. If I have learnt anything from this little experience it is as follows :
The only mishap on my time, “home alone”, is that my daughter decided she was a budding artist and drew me a picture.
It is a perfect example of a “Banksy”. Yes, she drew on my wall.
How do I explain that to the wife!!!!!
So my night of rocking, drinking and having the house to myself didn’t go as planned.
I did the cheeky thing of cooking a slap up meal (meaning I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken), bathed the kids, put them in bed, sat down to watch the footy on TV and fell asleep
This old rocker certainly does know how to party
